If your loved one is getting older and you see that he or she is having more and more difficultly living independently, you might be thinking that some level of eldercare could be a great way to make life easier and safer. However, this is a highly sensitive topic and bringing up the subject of eldercare options is often not met with a great deal of enthusiasm. If you think it is time to bring up the subject of eldercare, here are some tips that might help make this conversation successful.
First, you need to assess what level of care your loved one actually needs. We all tend to slow down a bit as we age and it can be very difficult to handle tasks such as home repairs and driving. However, the solution to this might simply be to downsize into a smaller home and using taxis to get from place to place. If your loved one needs help with a few basic chores such as cleaning, shopping and cooking, you might be able to hire a person to come in and handle these tasks.
However, perhaps your loved one truly needs help throughout the day with many different daily tasks, such as grooming, bathing and remembering to take medications. They might be a bit forgetful at times and you are worried about their general safety and you might think that a board and care home or assisted living facility would be a good, safe option rather than staying in their home.
Before you have the initial conversation about eldercare, plan out the conversation. You need to approach this tactfully and compassionately, considering how you might feel about this huge change. You might begin by asking general questions about their health or any problems they have had with house repairs or cleaning. If they seem to indicate that there are issues, you might ask how you can help or ask your loved one what options they are considering. Keep it casual, decisions don’t have to be made in five minutes and it’s important to really get a clear understanding of what your parent wants and needs.
Sometimes you can even offer a few examples of choices they might want to consider. If you know someone who has opted for assisted living and is enjoying this change of life, you can offer this as a possibility as well as offering a few other possibilities. It can be a good idea to sit and discuss the pros and cons of each option. It’s wise to give your parent some time before bringing up the subject again.
Keep in mind that the scope of this change is enormous. Your parent will have to sell or give away the majority of their possessions in order to move into assisted living or board and care. On the one hand, there is definitely something to be said for the ease of downsizing. After all, retirement should be easy and stress-free, and eliminating a big house and yard and car definitely lighten the load. Still, moving is stressful for all of us, particularly if you are elderly and overwhelmed with all of the tasks involved with finding a suitable new home, reducing your belongings, getting used to new surroundings and dealing with any physical and mental changes.
Offer to help with all of the arrangements of moving and locating a great place to live. Go with them as they visit each facility and spend some time going over what you both thought about each place. What your parent really needs right now is patience and support, and if they choose not to opt for eldercare, in most cases this is simply their decision to make. We have to respect the decisions people make, whether we like them or not. Sometimes your parent just needs to time to come to terms with the idea of eldercare, and in a week or a month will bring up the conversation again.
If you do need help finding a suitable facility for your loved one, Care Placement can help. We have pre-screened board and care homes, assisted living communities and skilled nursing facilities throughout San Diego County and Orange County. Our goal is to help people find a high quality, comfortable environment which suits their needs and budget.